Current mood:	jealous
Current music:	stay with me (brass bed)- josh gracin

im not ugly, im pretty deprived
i had fun today. woke up by my mom asking if i wanted to go to chuck-e cheese with her and morgan and jaimee- two of her 8 year old daycare kids. why wouldnt i want to go? so i called kaitlin and asked if she wanted to go. of course she said yes. so we met there and had a blast. i had pigtails in for no apparant reason.. just because i never do anythign with my hair and i felt like doing something different thinking "ok.. its a kids place. whos going to be there?" umm some hott guys apparantely. only like 4 though. and then jordan and kaylia were there so that was random. shes so nice though. talked to jordan a few times. me and katie got 40 tokens each to spend and we played mucho fun games. waited for arctic thunder for like 10 min because they were being game hogs.. lol. we were yelling to eachother like "hey katie!! chuck-e is standing over there!!! hes going to die in like 6 min so we better go see him before." lol it was grand. and at the end of the fun, we got our pictures taken in the chuck-e sketch booth thing. that was hilarious. "GET IN THE CIRCLE!" i flipped it off forgeting that the stupid character has to "sketch" it all within 2 min so we stood in front of the screen laughing our asses off so no one would see and i wouldnt get in trouble. thats a good picture. lol. then kaitlin went home and me, mom, and the kids went to the bank and then to pick up my glasses!! yay!! they are adorable. and raspberry colored which matches my hair. and coat. wooh. so today was fun. picked my dad up from work and then later drove to marios for pizza to bring back. drove pretty fast. it was grand.
probably doesnt sound like it but im in a bad mood. i dont like writing in here everytime i feel like shit because then i feel bad. so i try to make it about fun stuff also. but seriously.. i dont know what it is but i just feel horrible right now. im jealous of justin and his gf even though he never even said anything to me about her to make me jealous.. and im jealous of amanda and claude.. i dont know. im jealous of everyone even if they dont have someone. thats just who i am. i get jealous soo easily. i just dont get it. i know im ugly but come on. ive seen a lot of ugly people dating eachother. ugly people dont even try to talk to me. or want to go out with me. please tell me, am i that repulsive? seriously. im not using the excuse "because im so shy" when people ask why i dont have a boyfriend. obviously thats not it. the right time will come? i just have to wait? fuck that. dont tell me that bullshit. im sick of hearing it.. ITS NOT TRUE. you guys dont know what to say so thats the excuse you come up with everytime. id like the truth ladies and gentlemen. i dont care if it hurts or not because it will really help me. just please tell me the truth. im not going to go kill myself if you are like "ok.. well the truth is that you smell." or "your just not the right look guys are going for." because seriously, i cant think lower of myself. its not like i think im soo hott and you crush my dreams. no. i just want to know what you think.
im terribly sorry for complaining and doing the same shit as i used to do but it helps to let it all out. and i envy how katie writes how she feels all the time in her journal because she really doesnt care what people think. so thats what im giong to do know even if you think im being a bitch or whiny or trying to make people feel sorry for me. because im not trying to do that. but anyways, have a lovely day