| tell me lies, tell me sweet little lies. |
[Tuesday
November 18th, 2008
12:57am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 loved |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
hem--half acre |
] |
dear g,
thank you. thank you for coming on thursday. walking in the cool night air at balboa park in the corridors and under the arches, the three of us laughing and making jokes until our sides ached, was the definition of love that day. i wanted to drink your laughter. i wish i could bottle it. i love it more than i will probably ever tell you.
laying with the two of you on the cold tile of that huge fountain, staring up at the moon and feeling sprinkles of water every so often, playing would you rather and crying from laughing...that was love. you are such a good friend, not because you are perfect but because when i'm around you i always feel happy. you smile is an elixir and i want to carry it around tucked against the skin of my wrist forever to look at whenever i want.
and when you call me for no reason it reminds me of the way he and i used to be. which makes me wonder if we'll go down that same path. part of me thinks you'd never go for me, anyway, that you'd never see me that way. and then part of me realizes that you dont have any other girl friends that are closer than we are, or that can talk so easily like we can. which makes me wonder if someday things will change. i'm fighting down these feelings that creep up because i think it's just my own weak heart's desire for a new love. part of it is curiosity. sometimes i wonder what it'd be like to kiss your laughing lips. somehow i think we'd always kiss smiling.
if we ever did.
which we probably wont.
but i dont want things to change, anyway. because having you and charlie as my boys is the best thing ever. so for now i'll be incredibly content to be crazy with you and dance with you and get into your hobbies and talk old english with you and just be your homegirl.
you make me happy. :)
who would have known that when we met as little kids we'd still be friends 17 years later?
love,
your old skool bestie.
|
|
|
|
[Tuesday
November 18th, 2008
12:19am] |
Dear Ukulele Boy,
I know this is true. We had wild, whirling dances in the rain while dashes delicately licked spots of eyelids and every uncovered part. We breathed full laughter until we cried. We stepped inside to find warmth in conversations where we explored each other through questions and uninhibited answers. We knew no boundaries. We knew no moment would amount to this.
I first heard you speak in the slightly harsh manner of a man. It shattered the delicate image implanted in me, but I forgave you by walking past. We never have eye contact, but we will always have imaginary dancing and imaginary conversations. One day we'll be together. For now you grip the reigns of my thoughts.
tooth and nail,
e
|
|
|
|
[Tuesday
November 18th, 2008
1:07am] |
Dear you,
You're seriously annoying me. If I didn't have to work together with you, I would have told you so on many occasions. You seriously drive me up the f'ing wall.
To start, stop saying "eh". Mocking Canadians will only get you so far, you jerk. What sort of a leader mocks people and how they talk? Go to hell, man.
Also, stop competing with me. This isn't a freaking competition. Grow up.
|
|
|
|
[Monday
November 17th, 2008
11:36pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 discontent |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Starless - Crossfade |
] |
Dear....let's start with...Me,
Why?
Why does it matter so much that you talk to her?
It's not going to happen! Not Ever!
You fucked up back then; But she's not going to ignore the past like you constantly do.
She's lost to you. Forever. No lies.
She has him now, she doesn't WANT you. I know that hurts because you're different now.
You're not that immature prick that hurt her years back, but the fact is, shit happened.
You only want to join the damn army is because you're secretly hoping you'll get shot.
You only want to live in the wilderness because then you don't have to think!
That's the problem right there, you think too much. Make your mind STFU once in a while.
Here's the deal straight up; You need to stop thinking about her, stop relating songs to her, stop dreaming about her, stop hoping for her, stop hoping her opinion will change even more of you, stop hoping to spend a night on the beach with her, stop hoping for ANYTHING, she doesn't deserve to have you adding more complications or trying to anyways, She has him, she's happy, back the fuck off. Stop trying to play those stupid damned games you always play. You're not any better than anyone else. In any Sense. You've just gotten lucky. That's the only reason you've managed to be friends with her this long. LUCK! She's not your Bella. You're nothing close to Edward. You're nothing close to the scum on the shoes of the lowest person if you want to boil it down. You cannot commit to anything! Your belief in how God is proves that! Pfft, God being part of the dark and the light? You're just too damned lazy to restrain yourself ever. Fucktard. I hope you dissapear, you're worthless.
Without Love,
Me
Dear You,
I'm sorry; I don't understand why I still have feelings for you.
Honest.
I try not to, but you're just so damn entrancing for me.
In every sense.
I connect to you in a way I don't connect to anyone else in my life.
You make my heart pump adrenaline simply from a text.
It's quite fascinating actually. I don't even know who it's from yet and my heart starts skipping beats.
Then when I look it goes into overdrive.
You make me SOOOOO nervous.
You elicit such strong reactions from my body, there HAS to be something.
And none of it is in a sexual sense. I would never imagine you that way.
I want to see you, I want to feel my blood rush through me as I look at your face.
I want to be able to show you how eloquent I've become, how charming I can be.
But you want none of it, every time you speak, it crushes my hopes, but there are those rare instances I can almost, maybe, perhaps, see something you might be hiding.
You hurt me so much every other second though.
I'm the dog you kick in the face and I come back, full of cheer and hoping for more.
Love, No matter what you or I do,
Me
Dear You,
I'm sorry what this does to you.
I know you're jealous of her holding my facination still, after everything.
I do care about you, I swear.
I wish I could fix this.
Love,
Me
|
|
|
|
[Monday
November 17th, 2008
10:47pm] |
dear my cat,
im so sorry that this is the end. you were my pal, my baby for thirteen years and im crushed that i have to let you go tomorrow. im glad the vet finally saw what was wrong and it's obviously hurting her too, i never expected her to cry for you. part of me hopes you will pass peacefully in the night, you look so tired. it's silly for me to write to you here, because you will never read this and maybe you havent understood me all the times i've told you that i love you, but i have to get it all out.
thanks for thirteen years of cuddles and purrings. thanks for all the times you slept in my room on my bed with me only to wake me at four in the morning to leave for unknown reasons, and to paw at my door half an hour later to be let back in. thanks for all the laughs, every time you attacked one of my friends we would laugh about it later on. thanks for chasing ribbon and tin foil balls and hiding in the attic of our old house. thanks for returning home that time you somehow got outside, i was so worried! thanks for sitting on the bathroom counter, purring away and staring at me with the unmistakable look of affection on your little face while i straightened my hair, thanks for scaring our black lab to the point that she refused to do any tricks haha...you hellion!
anyways, tomorrow i will say goodbye to you, but i'll have you in my heart for ever.
love, your momma
|
|
|
| love: |
[Monday
November 17th, 2008
9:48pm] |
Dear Luke,
I love you (and would even if I didn't like you so freaking much) and wish I could see you tomorrow.
- me
Dear Sid,
I love you no matter what. You're so sneaky.
- me
Dear Schuyler,
I love you, of course. I wouldn't have married you otherwise. Ha. But I want to know where you were tonight that could possibly have been better than playing hide and seek with us.
- me
Dear world,
Ahahaa. I love you. -hugs-
- me-
Dear Constantin,
YOU AND YOUR HAIRCUT. SO FREAKING SEXY. GUHHHHHHHH. -flails and dies-
- me
Dear Ben McGahan,
I love your train noises.
(P.S. Howard's girlfriend WTF?)
- me
|
|
|
|
[Monday
November 17th, 2008
7:41pm] |
Dear You,
What the fuck was up with that today? Honestly. What. The. Fuck. You're confusing the hell out of me which is making my brain hurt and I don't know how many more conversations I'm going to be able to have with you and remain calm and sane. This is rediculous. I know you want me. I mean come on! You TALK about me? And everything else is just..ugh! Look...I know you're scared. I've been there, I was scared too. Infact, because it's you and I don't know how we'd go about this whole thing, I'm still scared, but we can't just sit here and let this pass. I can't live with not knowing what would have happened. What it would have been like. We owe it to ourselves to try it. Please? I can be a a rad girlfriend, let me tell you haha. We can even keep it a secret. I kind of like the whole secret relationship type deal. Just...give me a chance. I know you think I'm a pretty bomb ass person,and you're one yourself, so...yeah. Not to mention, with the shirt you wore today you were such a tease. I had to fucking squeeze my legs together. -_-
Much Love
Me
|
|
|
|
[Monday
November 17th, 2008
7:31pm] |
We're fuck buddies.
But I love you and you love me.
Will you ask me out again?
|
|
|
|
[Monday
November 17th, 2008
8:49pm] |
father,
jsyk, i do not respect you.
i guess i do a little,
because you're my father.
i just don't see any other
reason to any more.
please figure yourself out soon,
im tired of suffering just
because you're a
little fucked up
a lot less love than before,
katie
mother,
i shouldn't have done that
and i am sorry for lying to you
it was a little petty, tbh,
but you don't deserve
to be lied to ever again,
no matter how insignificant
the reason may be.
here's hoping you still
have respect for me,
much, much love,
katie
dear you,
i need to be close to you.
i really just cant handle
not being able to touch you
every single time i see you.
aah. i really really like you.
please be my boyfriend soon.
much love,
katie
|
|
|
|
[Monday
November 17th, 2008
6:32pm] |
Dear you,
I barely know the real you even though we've known each other since freshmen year and perhaps a year or two before then. It worries me how you frequently intake drugs and how you keep saying that you'll stop. I know it's none of my business, but I know how much you can achieve and succeed without it. I know, it's corny. But really, I'd like to know the real you. Not the one that is constantly high or depressingly low. Just /you/. Maybe one day, eh?
Sincerely,
Me.
|
|
|
|
[Monday
November 17th, 2008
9:21pm] |
|
Dear boyfriend,
Seriously, did you think I wouldn't notice you were high? I know you're going to deny it when I ask you tomorrow, but it will be face to face and I know you cannot lie to me while looking in my eyes.
Okay, it's just weed. No big deal.
But it is. Because you repeat yourself all the time when you're stoned.
You: I just got finished eating some cake. It was good.
Me: Ohh cool.
You: Yeah..
Five minutes later..
You: Did I already say I ate cake? I did. It was good.
Me: Yeah, you told me..
And I know the only reason you didn't blow up when I told you what happened with Justin today is because you were too mellow from the weed. Otherwise, it would have been another battle ending in words of anger from both sides. I'm glad you didn't blow up; I just wish you didn't have to be high to be like that.
I laughed hysterically this morning when I saw the message he left me. I'm a bitch; I just want to rub it in his face that he had his chance and didn't take it..and now it's too late. I'm sorry that I feel powerful when I can look at a guy I used to like and say "Hah, I don't need you anymore! I'm happily taken by a great man."
Anyway, I really really hope you don't go back to how you were before you met me; playing World of Warcraft all the time and constantly smoking wee and getting drunk. Sorry, but that's just not attractive. I probably wouldn't be proud to call you my boyfriend if that happened. So please, don't change? Thanks.
With love, really,
Girlfriend.
|
|
|
|
[Monday
November 17th, 2008
9:11pm] |
Dear Mitch-
You ate my damn Olive Garden leftovers! They were delicious and I was looking forward to eating them for dinner and you ate them! DAMNIT! I wouldn't care if you actually took out the trash or did some dishes or something while I was gone all weekend... but ya didn't. You suck lately. wtf is up?
~Carrie
Dear Dallas-
Wow. Champagne, candles, hot tub, high def TVs, room service. Wow. I am officially spoiled... you... you're awesome :)
~Carrie
Dear you,
I don't really like you that much... but I would feel really bad if I stopped dating you now. I think I'll just kinda avoid you.
~Carrie
Dear you,
Can't wait for Friday! I hope you wear your hawt uniform!
~Carrie
Dear you,
You're fun! I hope to get to know you better soon... I have a feeling I will tomorrow night!
~Carrie
Dear you,
I can't figure you out. I thought we were clear, however you make me feel like I need to re explain... We'll see.
~Carrie
Dear Jessi,
I miss you. I wish that we ever got to hang out, but you and I both are SO damn busy! Hopefully once you graduate we'll have more time that we can hang out. Especially if you'll just be in Marrietta! (Isn't that where Shelby's house is?) We need to get together over the break.
~Carrie
Dear Chenda-
ETA for Gwinnett arrival and length of stay?
~Carrie
Dear Block I of stupid program-
Get over with already! SO tired of your bullshit!
~Carrie
|
|
|
|
[Monday
November 17th, 2008
6:01pm] |
Why can't I end it? I think I can live without you. Today was very upsetting to me, and it will be for other people. I don't like sneaking around you and the only reason I do is because I think you're controlling. I think that's why I act out. I love you so much, so, so, much. But if things are as bad as they are now, WHY CAN'T I END IT?!
Love,
Me.
|
|
|
| Posthumously. |
[Monday
November 17th, 2008
6:34pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 Adventurous. |
] |
Dear Pan,
I can call you that, right? Or shall I call you Peter? For such a young child it would be ridiculously "grown-up" of me to call you by your last name but... we have known each other for so long! Or... atleast that is how I feel about you. When I was a child, Peter, you never came to my window. I waited and waited and even wrote you letters (how often I do write letters), but you never came. I had dreams about you. You never looked like the Disney character, you didn't look like the numerous illustrations that have their whereabouts about the library, you didn't even seem to me like a possible human. You were wild, you were young (yet, always my age), and you were beautiful. i would have been proud to mother the Lost Boys, even at an age so young where I could barely mother myself. I would have been honored to give only the reason "Father Knows Best" and only understand that knowledge. I would beg you to hunt treasure only to hide it again, catch animals to set them free for a later chase, I would mend socks or let be without.
Yet, I find now that I could not be so great a mother, nor that great of a wife. I have become rather knowledgable and quite considerate about the mind and feelings of a child. Simply saying "Father knows best" or "Because" will only deal with the most quiet of situations. I could not trek for weeks nor could I probably fly. I'd be rather confused if you were even to consider me negotiable. Considering, I hate to say... I'm growing up. Or, maybe to make it more clear, I've grown.
Peter, I hope you watched me grow up. And I hope you tell the boys stories of my adventures.
Please, Never decided to leave the Neverwoods.
They will never leave my dreams.
Forever,
Your Wendy.
|
|
|
| dear you, |
[Monday
November 17th, 2008
3:02pm] |
I don't care no mo!
have a shitastic life cunt.
:]
|
|
|
|
[Monday
November 17th, 2008
3:37pm] |
dear you,
i love you so much it makes me sick. well, not the thought of loving you, but the thought of losing you. every now and then my mind wanders to the dangerous facets of imagination and i feel a life without you. at the very thought, my stomach gets queezy and i can't breathe. then i open my eyes and remember your warm, tender, caring embrace. every time i think of you i can only smile. you are my infinite source of happiness.
god, look at me! this time last year i was the world's worst, SINGLE, cynic. and here i am going on about my undeniable love. oh how the world works. don't get me wrong, i'm still a cynic with a single mindset, but now i do have an understanding of those truly happy (like, actually happy, not faking-it happy) sickeningly happy people i've seen. now i don't think that EVERY relationship is doomed for failure. though MOST of them are.
i got a feeling about you though. i got a feeling about us. this one won't be bullshit i know it.
i caught myself humming, "going to the chapel and we're..."
hrm, i don't want to jinx myself.
the point is, i've never had the satisfaction of actually accepting, believing and welcoming the thought of a long-term future with someone.
love,
me
|
|
|
|
[Monday
November 17th, 2008
3:16pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 calm |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Nine Inch Nails-Something I Can Never Have |
] |
Dear Trent,
Your voice soothes me. It never fails to calm me.
Your biggest fan,
S.
|
|
|
|
[Monday
November 17th, 2008
7:57pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 disappointed |
] |
Dear you,
its been a long time since i posted about you on here!
i thought we were getting somewhere!
whether you admit it or not i know what you were doin last night!
i was there remember!
you were so brave...
so why when i text you about it today do you totally backtrack and deny all knowledge of anything?
god damn it stop doing this to me!
you know we're gonna be good together you said so yourself
so take your finger out your ass, stop doing things ass backwards and do what you tried to do last night
and just ASK ME OUT!!!
close to giving up...again...
Me.
Dear Me,
omg you turn 20 in two weeks!!!
how did we get this old and how do we make it stop????
mucho love,
Me
Dear you,
I'm really quite disappointed in you,
although i shouldnt be surprised really
you just did what you always do just gonna say one thing!
'if you always do what you've always done then you'll always get what you've always got!'
just so u know!
from
Me.
|
|
|
|
[Monday
November 17th, 2008
2:44pm] |
Dear You,
I went to your grandmas funeral with you, I didn't want to.. I didn't want to go with you when you had the kids with you to because they were being humiliating, even though at the funeral, to the lady no one actually knew because she was soo horrible to your family, they were good. I felt so stupid, when your sister asked me why are you wearing a wedding/engagement ring when your not married etc. I said we are engaged, and you acted completely DUMB SIDED BY THE WHOLE CONVERSATION. I mean common you work with your brother and you didn't even think to tell him, this is exactly like when I was pregnant and you didn't tell anyone, your mom had to guess! WHAT THE HELL.. Then in the conversation, about the whole fucked up situation you have with me and you still actually being married, but not together because you guys seperated because she cheated on you or whatever... You spit out, how you need to get a divorce but there wont be no more weddings..
I should confront you with this, but the way your attitude has been lately, you'll probably decapitate me with words, it's bad enough I already wanted to cry, it's bad enough when I tell you over and over again i can't watch your daughter anymore, you can't even manage to get her own mother to take her, or get somene else to watch her, I hate being the bad guy, you call me hitler, but what it comes down to is i can't take it anymore, I know kids are kids, but your daughter is bad, she is horrible. She has been potty trained TWICE BY ME NOT HER MOTHER NOW, her mother continues to put her in dipers, and now for whatever reasson, she is going backwards and goig in her pants and you know what. I"m not cleaning it up no more thats not my job.
You also need to listen, not act like your listening... ACTUALLY LISTEN, sometimes I say stuff of meaning, like when I can't stand to watch your daughter anymore.. I really can't.
|
|
|
| navigation |
| [ |
viewing |
| |
most recent entries |
] |
| [ |
go |
| |
earlier |
] |
|
|
|
|
![[info]](http://p-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
xblood_fairyx's Friends Page